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Thinking of Suicide?

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Egbam

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 38 total)
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  • in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #49312
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Amanda,
    I really hope that the hypnotherapist can help your son and that you can start to breath again.
    You sound as though you are really in need of a break, but I know how hard it can be to truly relax and be away from the stress, even for a day, when there is the continual worry for your loved one.
    Please look after yourself.
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #47408
    Egbam
    Participant

    Oh Amanda, my heart goes out to you.
    So much pain and worry and fear of what each day might bring.
    I’m so sorry that your son is still in this battle field and that there are no easy answers. I pray that he will have the strength to continue to fight to stay alive and reach out for help when it’s all overwhelming for him.

    I’m so sad that you had the experience with the police back in March. I know that they struggle to know how to deal with such situations themselves, and the priority is to keep the person safe, but no food or drink? That’s inhumane. No wonder you’re angry. I trust that you’ve made a formal complaint?

    I trust that your son is still getting mental health support and has people beyond the family to talk to? He, and you, must be so worn out. That knife edge is such a fine line, but each day that he is here is a victory.

    He matters and so do you.

    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #47133
    Egbam
    Participant

    Dear all,

    I’ve just heard from my daughter, who made her last serious attempt on her life on 13/05/18, that she has finally got her follow up ‘treatment’, six weeks of talking therapy. I know from past experience that this will finish just when it’s starting to help her, and then she will be back in the situation of being alone in trying to stay safe. The resources for this work, and the trained staff to do it are so thinly spread out that they are not as effective as is needed. It grieves me that the wait for treatment has been so long, and I feel so frustrated and helpless and yet grateful that it’s happening at all (and she’s still here to benefit). I’m sure I’m not alone in my worry and despair over this, but my heart goes out to anyone else in a similar situation.

    Every blessing
    Shalom (deep peace)

    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #44025
    Egbam
    Participant

    Just a quick reminder that Papyrus, who graciously allow this forum on their site, are there for those who are worried as well as those who are feeling suicidal. Family members, friends, colleagues can all get support through phoning the Hopeline 08800 068 4141 Don’t struggle on alone.

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #44024
    Egbam
    Participant

    Dear all,

    due to some issues with changing the web pages and problems with me being able to log on, I’ve been forced to be silent on here for some time! This doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought about those of you who have engaged with this forum over the time it’s been running and I trust that you are managing in what can be a very stressful situation?

    Please do send a message and engage with this forum so that we can help one another. I am just a mum who has a daughter who has been suicidal for over 10 years and know the worry, stress and strain that this has caused to the whole family.

    I know I’m not alone and there are others out there with similar situations so let’s seek to support each other in whatever way we are able.

    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26533
    Egbam
    Participant

    Dear Jenny,

    I wish I could say it’ll all go away and everything will be alright, but that wouldn’t be honest of me.

    Your story has many parallels with my own, and I have a little understanding of your pain and worry, but each story is unique.

    My daughter is also BPD, and it’s a difficult diagnosis as many shy away from working with this condition. I’m pleased to hear that medication is helping your daughter, and trust that it will continue to help her.

    As far as help for myself and family? I couldn’t find any, unless we presented with mental health issues ourselves, which we haven’t. This is the main reason for this forum – seeking to support each other and having a safe space to talk and be brutally honest about how hard it is.

    I have told others. I am very honest, with my daughter’s agreement, and tell colleagues and friends about the reality that I live in. My daughter also writes a blog that she shares through Facebook, so there is no secret to her difficulties and attempts at suicide. Some people at work understand and are very supportive, but others think my daughter should ‘get over it’ and is attention seeking – there are always going to be one or two who don’t, or won’t understand mental illness. There might be better understanding at work for you and the issues you’re living with if you talk about them. Evidence shows that the more we talk about mental health, the better the society is at supporting and helping those who are affected.

    I hope that, although erratic in when responses come, you will find that you are supported here. Sometimes just knowing that you’re not the only person dealing with these issues can lighten the weight of them a little.

    One book I found very helpful in my understanding of BPD is ‘I Hate You… Don’t Leave Me’ by Hal Straus and Jerold Jay Kreisman. It explains things in a way that altered my perception of my daughter’s behaviour, for instance explaining that to the emotions, “People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” Marsha Linehan.

    I hope that this has been helpful. As I’ve said in many of the postings on this forum, please make sure you are looking after yourself. Papyrus (who have graciously allowed this forum on their site) are a point of contact for information and training on suicide prevention, and they are also developing part of the site for people in our situation. In time, we hope that more support will be available, but until then, talk with family and friends; talk to you daughter and let her know that you’re a safe pair of ears that will listen and not judge, but do make sure she has numbers for Papyrus and Samaritans to hand for those times when she needs someone else. Don’t try to do / be everything for her – you also need to live. Make sure you do some things that are life-giving for you and any other family you have.

    Take care

    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26531
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Amanda,
    I’m so sorry you’re once again dealing with the reality of the downturn. So hard. So painful. So frustrating that we can’t just make everything all right for those we love.
    Keep loving. Keep looking after yourself. Seek support from whatever direction you can find it. And know that in as much as we can, you are supported here.
    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26529
    Egbam
    Participant

    Dear All,
    how are you?
    I hope you find this forum helpful – do make contact if we can support you in any way, or you have a question.
    This forum is a mutual support space, where we all have the one awful thing that connects us, that we have someone who is suicidal living with us, or in our family.
    It is such an exhausting, worrying situation to be living in, so it is important that we also look after ourselves.
    Give yourself permission to do something that is life giving for you in the coming week.

    Take care
    Shalom (deep peace)

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26527
    Egbam
    Participant

    Thank you Amanda,
    it’s been pretty tough. I’ve been trying to take care of myself as I know how important that is, but it’s not easy with the constant worry I live with. I need a holiday but recognise that any time away at the moment will be just a different view to worry from!
    The mental health support has yet to kick in, so for now, there is no more support than there was a month ago. Such are the lack of resources in the NHS.
    My daughter took a week off work and is now back in the routine of keeping up the mask and hoping that nothing comes along to unbalance her. I have to let her lead her life, but the worry is always in the back of my mind. I shall feel slightly happier once the support is in place for her.
    Thank you for the support and understanding
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26525
    Egbam
    Participant

    Dear friends,
    we never can be sure what life is going to throw at us, and the past couple of days have been dreadful for me. My daughter took an overdose on Sunday evening, after both she and I thought she was safe following a long conversation where I’d talked her out of suicide.

    From the training I’ve had, I know that you can only keep a person ‘safe for now’, as something else could happen to topple their balance, and this is exactly what happened on Sunday.

    I am hugely grateful that she survived, but know that she is still in a very vulnerable place. It’s not that she wants to die, but rather that she is finding the pain within too much to bear and just wants it to end. Such is that pain, that she finds it overwhelming and her strength to fight it is minimal. There is little I can do, other than support her as best I can, and trust that the mental health support will also be there for her.

    It’s a worrying place to be in, but this is the reality of the tension we live in.

    For anyone else in this awful place just now, my heart goes out to you.

    Take care of yourselves

    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26523
    Egbam
    Participant

    With lighter nights and warmer days, it’s easy to think that everything is alright with the world, but sadly, for some of us, things are anything but alright.

    If you are living with the constant worry that someone you live with or are close to might take their life, please don’t hold that worry to yourself. Please get support from your Dr, family and Papyrus – talking about it really does help, and might give you suggestions about keeping your loved one safe. It’s a huge strain to live with this fear, so allow others to support you.

    If this forum can be of any support or a safe space to be honest about how you feel, then please do use it.

    Take care
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26521
    Egbam
    Participant

    Oh Amanda,I’m so sorry.
    Words just seem inadequate when things seem so dark, but seek every tiny bit of light, from the robin singing to you in the garden, to the new shoots of plants bringing new life and colour. Small things, external to the situation you are in, might shine a tiny patch of light into the darkness. Keep hoping for good change.
    If you’d like to talk, then please inbox me
    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26519
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Amanda,
    I’m sorry that your situation hasn’t improved, but glad that you’re finding some support through this forum. I trust that others are too.

    Having someone in the family who is suicidal is very hard, as fear of loss has to be balanced with trying to have as normal a life as possible. The whole family is impacted as someone’s health goes up and down, and I guess that for your daughter, she is desperately wanting things to return to normality, where that ‘what if’ question is no longer part of every occasion.

    Keep holding on to the hope. Hope gives a reason to live and a potential future. Lack of hope is a path we don’t want to face. Hope allows us to do things, and try things, and seek answers. It helps each person feel positive. So yes, let’s keep looking for that light. Some days it’s easier to see than others, but we have to trust that the light and hope are always there… somewhere!
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26517
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi there,
    it’s been a few weeks since I last wrote, and although nobody has written (and that’s ok), I know there have been many on here to read and maybe find encouragement.
    It’s my experience that living with someone who’s suicidal is very challenging and tiring. Sometimes something that I would consider to be fairly insignificant becomes like a monster in the mind of my daughter. I have to remember that for her, that is how it is. The constant fight to stay alive is exhausting and so issues that would be small to someone else are huge to her, and issues that are huge in the eyes of most people, are off the scale to her.
    You wouldn’t know by looking at her, how she fights to stay alive.
    She wears a mask, totally aware that people around her find it hard to accept or know how to react to the way she feels. She hides her pain until it gets so intense that she can’t hold it any longer and wants to be released from the constant torture of her mind.
    So far between us, we’ve been able to keep her alive, but it’s a continual worry that one day I won’t be available when she needs me, and alone, she won’t have the strength to fight.
    I am grateful that there are both the Papyrus Hopeline and Samaritans that she can turn to, and I know that she has, but I also know that the unconditional love and support that I try to give have been significant.
    For anyone else on this difficult journey, be encouraged and know that this forum is here to support you in whatever way we can.
    This forum is by those living with a suicidal person, for those living with a suicidal person. We are not experts, but are living the experience. Please make contact if you need some support.
    Shalom (deep peace)
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26514
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi all,
    many of you will already be aware that this is a particularly difficult time for some people, so if you live with someone who struggles, do ask them how they feel and get support if things are too dark for them.
    Take care of yourselves too and give a shout if you need to chat / scream / cry with someone!
    Shalom
    Helen

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 38 total)

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