Forum Replies Created
I’m sorry that your situation hasn’t improved, but glad that you’re finding some support through this forum. I trust that others are too.
Having someone in the family who is suicidal is very hard, as fear of loss has to be balanced with trying to have as normal a life as possible. The whole family is impacted as someone’s health goes up and down, and I guess that for your daughter, she is desperately wanting things to return to normality, where that ‘what if’ question is no longer part of every occasion.
Keep holding on to the hope. Hope gives a reason to live and a potential future. Lack of hope is a path we don’t want to face. Hope allows us to do things, and try things, and seek answers. It helps each person feel positive. So yes, let’s keep looking for that light. Some days it’s easier to see than others, but we have to trust that the light and hope are always there… somewhere!
it’s been a few weeks since I last wrote, and although nobody has written (and that’s ok), I know there have been many on here to read and maybe find encouragement.
It’s my experience that living with someone who’s suicidal is very challenging and tiring. Sometimes something that I would consider to be fairly insignificant becomes like a monster in the mind of my daughter. I have to remember that for her, that is how it is. The constant fight to stay alive is exhausting and so issues that would be small to someone else are huge to her, and issues that are huge in the eyes of most people, are off the scale to her.
You wouldn’t know by looking at her, how she fights to stay alive.
She wears a mask, totally aware that people around her find it hard to accept or know how to react to the way she feels. She hides her pain until it gets so intense that she can’t hold it any longer and wants to be released from the constant torture of her mind.
So far between us, we’ve been able to keep her alive, but it’s a continual worry that one day I won’t be available when she needs me, and alone, she won’t have the strength to fight.
I am grateful that there are both the Papyrus Hopeline and Samaritans that she can turn to, and I know that she has, but I also know that the unconditional love and support that I try to give have been significant.
For anyone else on this difficult journey, be encouraged and know that this forum is here to support you in whatever way we can.
This forum is by those living with a suicidal person, for those living with a suicidal person. We are not experts, but are living the experience. Please make contact if you need some support.
Shalom (deep peace)
many of you will already be aware that this is a particularly difficult time for some people, so if you live with someone who struggles, do ask them how they feel and get support if things are too dark for them.
Take care of yourselves too and give a shout if you need to chat / scream / cry with someone!
I’m so pleased that you did the ASIST course, difficult though it is, as I know how much help it can be. It sounds as though you feel quite empowered by it and I guess you will also be encouraging others to go on the course.
Continue to be kind to yourself. Know that you’re not alone in your worries and fears for your son, but do what you can to relax and have as good a Christmas as possible.
How’s it going for everyone out there?
It’s a busy time, but one with lots of pressures, stress and expectations.
Please look after yourselves at the same time as being mindful as to how those who are vulnerable within your family are.
Try to focus on the positive things in life and seek support from friends & family or Papyrus if you need it.
You are of great value and none of us are strong enough to get through life’s challenges without help and support.
Take care and have a good Christmas time
WOW! You sound so much better than when you last wrote. Talking with your son and building the trust between you about his tablets is a really positive step. It’s so good to hear.
I’m really pleased that you’ve managed to get on an ASIST course. It might not be easy for you, and you might hear things that are hard to stomach (like it’s a person’s right to take their life), but it will give you tools and confidence to deal with the situation you find yourself in. I found that to some extent it confirmed that what I’d been doing naturally was in fact the best way to deal with a crisis situation.
When you attend the course, don’t expect to be doing much in the evenings… you may just need some time to be kind to yourself, so hold that in mind.
The conversation you had with your friend is again very encouraging. You’re already talking openly about mental health and suicide issues, explaining to others and not hiding it as a stigma. You certainly deserved that big hug! you’re quite right in stating that talking to others helps us as well as them.
I’m personally really encouraged by your message, it helps me know that together we can and will make an impact to help people talk about mental health issues and in particular, suicide. Thank you.
My heart goes out to you. I’m glad you’ve found us, though sorry that it’s such a worrying situation you find yourself in.
Those of us who are on this forum page are mainly parents like yourself, trying to get through each day, and helping one another with encouragement and any support we’re able to give. I hope you’ll find it a safe space to be honest and share how you are.
I can only guess at how you’re feeling right now, but want you to know that we care. Sometimes we can feel so isolated, but I want you to know that you are heard and are not alone. Many of us live with similar tensions to yourself and know the eggshells and exhaustion that go with the fears that we will lose our loved one.
One thing I’ve learnt, through Papyrus and also through ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) is the need to ask direct questions. You are having trouble knowing what to say to your son for fear of saying the wrong thing, but all evidence suggests that direct questions that can’t be misunderstood, are the most helpful. If you’re worried about whether your son is still feeling suicidal, ask him. If he says ‘No’, you can breath a little easier. If he says ‘yes’ then you have the potential to talk together about what help he might seek.
You don’t mention whether you and he are getting any help, but don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Your GP, or the local mental health services should be able to advise you as to what is available for his age (you don’t mention whether he’s a young person or adult) in the area.
In all the worry and fear, it is vital that you look after yourself. If you care for yourself then you will be in a better place to help your son.
If you want to share further, or talk to one of us, then do direct message or reply on this page.
Take care and remember that we’re here for you
Shalom (deep peace)
I’m aware that there are many reading this forum who are not writing posts. That’s fine and I hope you find it helpful. Please do write if you would like to and let us support each other – we’re not experts, just seeking ways to keep going and help out loved ones. In my case it’s my daughter who is suicidal, but it could be anyone. If you are in a similar situation, don’t struggle on alone,
your message could well have been my writing this morning after a deeply upsetting time last night. It’s so hard when we give all we can (and more) in love and support and affirmation, and then occasionally it gets thrown back in our faces. I too am exhausted. I need a break. But my pain and anguish pale into insignificance at the pain and turmoil of my daughter, that I can only guess at. How hard must it be to have every day as a battle to stay alive? Every day feeling guilt that somehow you’re not good enough? Every day feel that what you want is not acceptable, but the strain of putting on the mask to the outside world is too much effort?
I too am grateful for the honesty and support found in this forum. For all those who are finding it too exhausting to live alongside, make sure you take time out to re-charge your batteries, doing something that’s life-giving for you.
Sarah, take care and know that you are supported, even if it is from a distance, by others who know what it’s like xx
Today has been difficult. My daughter is in a low place and although she has managed to put her ‘mask’ on and go to work, it’s been a tough morning. I feel so tired, and so worried for her. She is in a vulnerable space and I can’t wave a magic wand and make everything better, although I so long to. I see a beautiful person who has had a number of deep hurts; who doesn’t find it easy to see her own worth and so doesn’t always make good decisions for herself. She is bright and worked so hard to get a degree, doing really well, yet isn’t finding the strength to use the knowledge and skills she has. I long for her to recognise and live in the truth that she is an amazing person, who is loved and has much to give to this world. I long for her to be released from the cruel grips of this dark mental state and to live a life free from the pressure of wanting it all to end.
sorry for the delay in responding, how are you?
Has the relationship with your son improved since he’s been home, has he spoken to you about how he’s feeling?
It’s hard to know just what has led him to feel that life is not worth living, and to know how best to support him, but don’t underestimate the value of your love for him and your willingness to take him seriously.
Whilst I totally understand your desire and need to keep him safe, he also needs to take some responsibility for this. It’s not easy to hear, but ultimately it is his choice. You can do everything you can, but he makes daily, often hourly or minute by minute decisions as to whether to continue with life or not. I guess he is feeling pretty mixed up right now, unsure of how others see him, and needing to justify to himself that his recent decisions were well thought through. Part of him is possibly hoping that it’s all gone away and he can get back to ‘normality’, but that may not be possible.
Don’t be frightened to ask him if he still feels suicidal. That might sound hard and frightening, but if he is, it’s best that you know.
It is an exceptionally hard road to walk, but do all you can to keep the whole family walking the path together – all supporting your son, but supporting each other too. You will need it.
Be assured that you’re not alone and there are others, me included, who are here for you.
I’ve been there… scared at what might happen. I still have days when it’s all too scary, and there have been times when my daughter has been on the edge of making that completion.
I too keep busy, though that’s not always the healthy option! I struggle to go away as I worry so much about what might happen in my absence, though desperately need a break.
Your mention of a folder with details, is a good idea, and the website with recovery letters is something I’d not heard of before – thank you, I shall look at that.
I hope you have a really positive time with your son at home, and are able to relax with him there
my heart goes out to you. I have to admit, it’s a living hell at times, not knowing what might happen.
Finding out that your child has tried to take their life is horrendous, nothing can prepare you for that shock and stress. As you say, you start to view the world in a very different manner.
Whilst it must be so hard to see your son unable to have things we take for granted, it’s good to know that he will be getting dedicated support and treatment to help him get through this.
My concern is also with you. Do you have a partner who is supportive? Is there anyone else out there who is helping you?
This forum was set up for just the reasons you mention… I tried to get support for myself and family, but could only find some if the worst happened. I sadly knew that I wasn’t the only person who would be in this situation, so it is an attempt to offer something of a mutual support group. The forum is here for you, and I hope that it helps, but I recognise that we’re sometimes absent for a while – I’ll try and see if I can get alerts to my phone to know if someone has posted, so we can be more support for you. I’ll also inbox you a contact number in case you would find it helpful to talk to me – no pressure to use it!
Remember that in this awful situation, there are those who want to help and support you. Through this forum we will do what we can, but don’t forget that Papyrus also has qualified staff who are amazing and will happily talk / listen to both yourself and your son.
Please keep us informed as to how you’re doing and ask anything you want and we will try to support you in whatever way we can.
Continue to let your son know that you love him and want to support him – he’s not doing this to hurt you, though that may be how it feels. If you can, talk with him about how he feels, accepting what he says.
I’ll be thinking of you
I’m aware that there’s been little correspondence on this forum for a few weeks. I’d like to think that it’s because there isn’t the need, but know that sadly, that may not be the case. We’ve been going through a really difficult time and I guess we’re not alone. Do message if sharing helps in any way. We have no formal skills,(though Papyrus do), but are here to carry each other as much as we can through our mutual experience of living with someone who is constantly fighting to live.
I’ve just realised that my last post could be interpreted as being sarcastic, that’s not how I meant it… I genuinely am grateful