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Egbam

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Viewing 11 posts - 31 through 41 (of 41 total)
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  • in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26483
    Egbam
    Participant

    Thanks Sarah,
    it’s hard living with the constant worry of whether something is about to upset the fragile balance of my daughter’s life. Being reminded to take each day as it comes is immensely helpful.
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26481
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Sarah,
    great to have you on board… this is such a vital support as is becoming apparent. Mike and I have spoken about the possibility of setting up something more tangible in addition to this forum, and it would be good to have you in that conversation. Maybe we could get together, (possibly with someone from Papyrus).
    Till then, lets keep this forum covered and support one another from a distance
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26479
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Suelum,
    my heart goes out to you, what an awful, worrying time for you over your son. I can’t imagine who told you to get him back to a normal routine, and I am no expert, but that seems to be denying what he’s feeling and wanting to do. Have you been given any mental health support for him? Or advice as to how you might support him? From what you say, you are very alone in this? It’s really good that you have talked with him, and the more open you can be with each other, the better – though you may find yourself hearing things you’d rather not hear. Do remember that Papyrus can be a listening ear for both your son and yourself, and they are far more qualified to give guidance and help, but as one parent to another, I’d say, keep talking and keep fighting for him to have the care he needs. He needs to be taken seriously and not brushed under the carpet, so whilst not wanting to frighten you, please, please keep battling for the help he seems to need – don’t be fobbed off!
    Stay strong and know that you’re not alone
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26476
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Wildgoose,
    I can’t say I’ve had that experience, but it sounds very challenging and tough, not stupid at all – it would feel very different if it were for any other reason that you needed the clothes to be non ligature.
    I’m glad you were able to find suitable clothes, but a horrible experience to go through.
    Do you have a friend or family member who can support you should you need to do anything like this again?
    So hard.
    Remember to look after yourself too
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26474
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Mike,

    Good call – I’ll inbox you my details rather than have them posted for anyone on the internet to see (no offense to those on this forum, just trying to be wise!) I have no previous experience of running a support group of any sort, so am very grateful for your help.
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26468
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Wildgoose, I’m glad you’ve made contact, but sorry that you have the need to. I trust that you will feel that this is a safe place to share and be supported?
    Living with the continual worry and fear of a loved one taking their life is an incredible strain and can be very isolating, or that’s my experience anyway. Accessing the best care seems to be a postcode lottery and I’m sorry to hear that your daughter is not doing well.
    Whilst we worry for our loved ones, it is important that we look after ourselves and do what we can to enjoy life, so you really ought not feel guilty when you do things that boost you.
    Do keep in contact, and although within this forum we’re scattered across the country, we can support one another through messages as best we can.
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26466
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Mike,
    glad you’re back, are you ok?
    Not found a support network, so looking to set something up through Papyrus.
    Met another lady yesterday who will hopefully join the conversation and mutual support.
    I guess initially we’ll be supporting each other as best we can through this forum, but it could evolve into actual meetings in time.
    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26462
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Mike,
    I’ve been checking for responses to my post for a couple of weeks, and have just found both your replies – sorry I didn’t see them earlier.

    I have accessed counselling through my work, which was helpful. I might look to have some more soon.

    In my experience, the support from the NHS is erratic and reactionary, only lasting a few weeks at a time unless there is a significant attempt on life. An invisible attempt, such as driving dangerously or head banging does not appear to get the same response as cutting or taking pills.

    We have not had good experience with doctors, although when we moved to a new area the mental health team were great for a few weeks but just don’t have the resources to be a continual support. Therefore it lands back on the family. It’s a strain and worry, but we do talk openly and I am working alongside Papyrus to get support and further understanding. I clearly am not shouting loudly enough and will have to be firmer.

    I was looking for some sort of support network of people in similar situations. I don’t know what it would look like, but think that this is the start of it. We just need to connect with more people who are living with someone who is suicidal. Just having someone who knows what it’s like is a great support, so thank you for inputting to this forum.

    Shalom
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26455
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Mike,
    you’re very gracious in suggesting that your situation is in some way easier as your daughter is an inpatient and getting great care… I suspect that it’s an equally difficult and distressing situation, just different.

    It’s like someone saying to me that they wished they’d known that their son had been feeling suicidal because it would have been easier… It’s my observation (and I’m happy to be shown to be wrong) that knowing about our loved one’s struggles isn’t easier, but again is just different. We live with the continual awareness that they might not win their fight. That we might not be able to keep them safe. It’s life changing, but yes, does give the possibility of supporting and helping them be better at staying alive.

    You mention getting help for our loved one, but you also imply that there is potential help ‘out there’ for us? Have you found something helpful? I tried to find a support group, but could only find ones for after a suicide – hence this forum.
    Any insights would be very welcome
    Thanks
    Helen

    in reply to: Living with someone who is suicidal? #26447
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi Mike and Lynne,

    it’s good to hear from you, but at the same time saddens me knowing that it’s such a painful situation that brings us together. My heart goes out to you both and others in similar situations.

    Lynne, I guess that you are feeling very frightened and would love a simple remedy to make everything alright again? I hope that by having contact on here you will at least know that you are not alone and it will give you a safe space to express how you’re feeling. As your son made an attempt before Christmas, I hope that support has kicked in and he is safe for now? Don’t forget that Papyrus is as much for him as it is for us.

    You don’t mention how old your son is or whether there is anything that has pushed him to no longer want to live? It’s my experience that at times we have no idea why something that seems so temporary and insignificant can cause our loved one to want to end their life. Sometimes with my daughter, there is nothing specific, but I guess a combination of hormones and a building up of little things – comments, things going wrong, feeling lonely – that leads her to want to finish the constant pain she feels inside.

    My daughter has a recognised mental health issue, which just makes life a battle to survive. She is loved and has managed to get a good degree, against the odds, but still feels the continual desire to take her life. Each day she has to decide to fight to live. Sometimes the fight is not strong in her and she makes attempts at suicide. Alongside all this, she has things she wants to do with her life, and the desire to make a difference. It is a tension within her, a battle that fluctuates as to which side wins.

    I have two other children, who find the whole drama of their sister too much at times. It can seem selfish and like a personal undervaluing of their love. As we’ve come to understand the illness, so these attitudes have diminished, but it is still hard to live with the worry day after day that she might take her life. It impacts on my life and my marriage too. I worry about going away and leaving her without support. I try to be there for her, yet at the same time encourage her to live her life to the full. I know that any day might be her last, and my heart cries out. There have been a couple of incidents in the past few months when I watched from the sidelines, unable to do anything, as she had to decide whether to live or die.

    As Mike says, it is important that you don’t blame yourself. Do all you can to support and listen to your son. Take him seriously – it’s far better that he feel he can talk to you rather than close up and internalise how he feels. If it’s possible, talk openly together as a family. That might not be easy, but is recognising that your son’s reactions are due to an illness, not a desire to hurt the family. My daughter genuinely believes that if she is ‘out of the picture’ then everyone would be much happier – how wrong can you be!

    I’ve said enough. I don’t want you to think I’ve sidelined you Mike, but recognise that like me, you have professional support. The tension and exhaustion I feel with the everyday holding of my daughters welfare is immense, and it is for this reason that I hope we can support one another and anyone else who is out there. As to how this goes forward, is really up to those on this site. Ideas welcomed…

    Helen

    in reply to: Another perspective #26436
    Egbam
    Participant

    Hi CC,

    I just came across your post and am grateful for your honesty and willingness to support others who are struggling.
    It’s really encouraging to hear of someone who has come through the tidal waves, and survived.

    Thank you

    Shalom

    Helen

Viewing 11 posts - 31 through 41 (of 41 total)

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Thinking of Suicide?